Friday, April 3, 2015

Ups and Downs

FINALLY! I finally got to sit down and get on my blog after a few weeks of neglect to it. the last few weeks have been pretty tumultuous to say the least.

 We counted down to my husband's big test and then his graduation as a linguist, all the while knowing that the next step was a huge giant gargantuan leap into the unknown. movers packed all our belongings and we packed up our van and we headed off to a knew adventure in another state.

I lamented to a friend just a week before the big move  "We are making a huge leap into the unknown." Her words have stuck with me "Well, that's okay, because God knows the unknown."

things have not gone exactly as we hoped. We are not living in the city we aimed for, and my husband did not get the job we thought he would get, yet we still have felt the influence of the Lord in our situation. We are living in a beautiful, reasonable priced home. My husband has a job. It is temporary as it does not provide enough to support our family of five, but he has some great options coming to him in the not too distant future.
  I have taken many a deep breath and cried many a tear as I struggle to make a new budget work, and just haven't been able to. I have been humbled as i sought help just for the basic necessities of life. I have been so so so down. I have also been okay.
  I firmly believe that God wants us to be happy, and that if we align our will with his that he will guide us to the path that will help us be the most happy. However, I am a stubborn person and I often find myself telling God what I want.
  I have done a lot of praying and a lot of studying in my scriptures, as well as reading some amazing talks on by apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints. I have researched topics such as the will of the Lord and finding peace in troubled times. I have had some very uplifting experiences. I have also come to the conclusion that there are steps you can take to want what Heavenly Father wants for you.
The first of these two steps is to show gratitude. I realized that my children when they pray ask for lots of blessings from God , but were not taking the time to tell him how thankful they are for his gifts. I found myself doing the same thing. So I began writing in my journal the last thing in each entry is a list of things I'm grateful for. The more lousy the the day the more lines I fill. When I focus on what I am grateful for I feel so blessed; it allows me more patience to wait for the Lord's timing for the blessings I still want/need.

The second of the two steps is to serve others. My efforts have mostly been focusing around my immediate family, but even doing something simple like bringing my husband a snack while he is job hunting on the computer lifts me up and gets me outside of myself and my own worries and fears.
  I still have agonizing moments of doubt and anxiety. Money is tight, and stress is high, but I am sharing my feelings with others, taking LOTS of deep breaths, and praying for help in each moment of apprehension. There are even whole days when I feel like I just might make it.

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